The In-between

You know what I mean. 

Those moments where you're a few days out from your most recent anxiety attack, and from all indications you're on your way to feeling almost normal again.  You can't fully relax, though, because you feel like you have to be cautious.  You have to be vigilant in what you watch on television, what you read, what types of conversations you participate in.  It's the proverbial eggshell you're walking on because you don't want to inadvertently trigger another panic attack, and you're not sure what insignificant word or feeling might bring on the anxiety again. 

That's where I've been since yesterday. After a horrible day-after hangover on Thursday, I woke up with the TGIF feeling, having slept soundly the night before. I decided to get out of the house with my mother, so we spent the day shopping and planning for an upcoming event with my daughters. I was able to converse and laugh with her, yet at the same time I kept the nagging thought that I must be SO careful to prevent another attack. 

I avoided reading the news, I didn't catch up on my guilty pleasure shows Pretty Little Liars and Ravenswood because if there ever were shows to cause anxiety, it's those two.  I focused all of my energy on being lighthearted and relaxed, yet felt the constant threat of a return. A momentarily stressful moment came late in the afternoon, and I almost held my breath in anticipation of the panic that would surely follow.  Fortunately my body didn't betray me, and I was able to force myself to relax and put the stress aside for the remainder of the night. I managed to go to bed at a reasonable hour and enjoyed a full night's sleep interruption-free. 

So today, yet another day out from the attack, I'm feeling more optimistic and cheerful, without having to force it. I'm looking forward to the long weekend with my girls thanks to the late Dr. King, some NFL football tomorrow and the pleasure of a clean house (for the moment). 

Here's to getting past the in-between and back to the normal. Or, normal for me.